Damn, its been two years already. I havent blogged in ages! I guess I might try blogging again and since probably no one goes here anymore I can actually put something down.

I gotta say, I am much more willing to write when I'm in a crappy mood. I mean I'm not mad at anyone or pissed of or anything.

Fine, I lied I am pretty pissed off. At myself mostly. I always liked badminton but then recently I noticed how much it matters to me and how big of a role it played in my life. So when we lost the challenge match against Jeannie and Suzette i felt like shit.

Aha okay that was kinda exagerated. But it just sucked. I mean on one hand we didnt move a spot or anything but I feel like I totally lost my spirrit. When we lost before I didn't really care as much because I knew we could challenge up but now - I feel like giving up in general and not even showing up for practice.

Yeah, hella weak. But I have hella shit going on right now, work, homework, family crap and my nonexistent love life. I guess the last one won't exactly be a problem. Its just I feel like I have so much to do and well whats the point of going on if we aint gona get any better and like its kinda taking too much time. I can't do homework much during practice and at the same time I can't go home cause I'm others ride. I guess there nothing I can do about it.

Maybe I could skip the game tomorrow - I won't really play since my partner is being borrowed in var. And I would have time just to relax and I havent been able to in a long time.

Aside from that I love this bright weather! Okay it might rain and all that tomorrow but it's all good I really don't mind rain here and there. Besides it kinda reflects my mood recently. I just can't wait for nice weather to kick back in.

Man the last time i seriously wrote on this thing was freshmen year. And that agenda it totaly different from mines today. First off, clases were much easier. More drama although I cant b sure whether thats good or not and then I had a love life back then. At least an interest - I havent had that feeling since freshmen year. I feel so dry and stressed. Well stress isn't a good word but something like that.

I'm just going to stop here just in case there might be someone reading this. Haven't written in a while but it feels good to write things down. Kinda? Whatever, better than nothing.

It’ll Be Okay – by Susan Ruan

 

Try to grasp the idea once more

I turned away from that door

Accompanied by the ones you care

The yearning to be one of the people there

But ignoring it I’ll forget

And eventually it’ll go away

Because I tell myself, it’ll be okay

 

And even though

You see right through me

And even though

My desires can’t be

But I tell myself at the end of the day

I tell myself, it’ll be okay

 

So when I see you I’ll turn away

Because somehow I won’t know what to say

But in the end it won’t matter

In the end I tell myself it’ll be okay

It’ll be okay

 

When you walk by me once again

I won’t look I’ll just pretend

I’ll walk on as if I didn’t see

But in my heart I know how it affects me

It mixes and stirs and I can’t push it away

But in the end I tell myself it’ll be okay

 

So I’ll go on with my life

Your essence no more

Leaving this strife

Eyes turn blind by the door

But then again I know

In then end, even if it won’t show

In my mind, words I won’t say

In my heart, I know it’ll never be okay

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Disorder:	High
Schizoid Disorder:	Low
Schizotypal Disorder:	Moderate
Antisocial Disorder:	Moderate
Borderline Disorder:	Very High
Histrionic Disorder:	Low
Narcissistic Disorder:	Low
Avoidant Disorder:	High
Dependent Disorder:	High
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	Moderate
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! -- -- Personality Disorders --